Take a deep breath…
And… here we go…
In a harrowing, grimly smirking, 11 minute evisceration of his own team, the notoriously combustible Doug Collins finally loses the handle; caving under the immense pressure of coaching this antithetically Doug Collins basketball team.
Which, by the way, he assembled.
Here are some of the choice-est cuts:
“I gave my body to this franchise! I was never boo-ed as a player, never! I ran through my shoes!”
“Youth… is a blaming thing”
“There can’t be a game where you go out and don’t put your heart and soul out there. We can’t do that”
“I love it when the fans are yelling at me. I’m not playing! they didn’t yell at me when I played…”
“You know, three [of our starters] weren’t sweating when we started the game, they were going to ease there way into it. You have to be ready to go!”
And finally, this gem:
If everyone looked inside themselves as much as I did, this world would be a CAT-scan
Doug Collins everyone!
The trigger point for Doug’s psychotic break this was an emmbarrassing 98 to 84 home Loss to the pitiful Orlando Magic, led by rebounding machine Nic Vucevic and the heartbreakingly beautiful GrowthPlates of young Moe Harkless. These young men were the Sixers future, until both players were traded in August for curious charlatan and franchise killer, Andrew Bynum.
Collins frustration is understandable. These are both bad teams, and in the opposite-day world of the NBA’s bottom feeders, losing is a good thing. The cruel irony is that the Magic are playing their young guys and trying to lose (and doing a damn good job of it) and the Sixers are pathetically and ineffectually trying win.
Guess which team lost by 14??
While all these losses are clearly in the teams best interest, it’s kind of weird because it’s definitely happening by accident. Or maybe it’s entirely on purpose and all this indignation is a brilliant ruse, lest someone impugn the righteous honor of Doug Collins with allegations of tanking.
Items of Note:
1) Hawes vs. young buck, Nic Vucevic: In the last meeting between these teams, Hawes showed the kid what was what, going for 21 points and 14 rebounds.
Tuesday was a different story, as Vucevic, the “Pasty Mound of Rebounds” pulled down a ridiculous 19 caroms, to Spencer Hawes’ 1.
Yes, a solitary rebound for a starting center with a standing reach of 9’5 inches. Stand Tall, Hawes.
2) The Good Samaritan, Jeremy Pargo led the Sixers in scoring with 14 points. but I’m sure the emotional dysfunction, empty arenas, and bleak weather is making him long for his Glory Days of Tel Aviv hoops-stardom.
3) Moe Harkless and his astonishing GrowthPlates: Didn’t have a particularly notable game, an efficient 10 points and 4 rebounds. but what the Hell, we named the blog after him (or at least his cartilege), so lets show some highlights:
and here he is showing off his 7’0 wingspan with a sick 3 blocks on Carmelo Anthony in one possession.
And one final global hoops note:
Dennis Rodman and the Harlem Globetrotters were the guest of North Korea’s #1 basketball fan, baby-faced Dear Leader, King Jong Un. Apperently Kim is a huge Bulls fan…
Here is the gang at the Pyongyang airport…
Amazingly, that makes Dennis Rodman the highest profile Westerner to meet with North Korea’s dynastic leader. attempting what The Worm referred to as “Basketball Diplomacy” he journeyed with the sincere hope that a friendly mixed scrimmage of Harlem Globetrotters and North Korean players can begin to heal old, radioactive wounds….
The game ended in a 110 to 110 tie…
P.S. And while we are at it, here’s some footage of North Korea’s reigning basketball Star, the 7’8 inch Ri Myung Hun.