Games #34 & #35: Massacre in the Southern Plains

In 2 games and just over 24 hours, the beleaguered Sixers surrender a combined 218 points, get outscored by 47,  and are sent reeling in climatic back to back OBLITERATIONS to the league-leading Thunder and Spurs.

fetterman massacre hi res

In a weekend which served as a Basketball re-enactment of the Fetterman Massacre, the Sixers weary, western, wagontrain journeys from Oklahoma to San Antonio, challenging the proud basketball Nations that rule these wide prairies.

For thier impudence, the Sixers would find only defeat and unspeakable destruction as they were mercilessly shattered at both ends of the court.

There were no survivors…

Kevin Durantred CloudTim Duncan extension

fort apache press book

The Sixers go 2 and 6 on this watershed, eight game road trip. As they spiral to 15-20 and seem to definitively answer the question of whether they are any good.

They are not…

The Sixers were so woefully overmatched that we will dispense with the normal order of game recaps and instead just summarize some of the more notable lowlights…

fort apache

Statistical low lights:

1) A viscious rumor spreads through Sixers practice that the first guy to the free throw line against OKC is a poopy-face.

Sixers backcourt of Turner and Holiday take ZERO free throws against the Thunder… Sixers entire starting line-up take ZERO free throws against the Thunder… 9 of the 10 players who saw game action for the Sixers take ZERO free throws against the Thunder…

Nick Young didn’t get the memo. Goes 6-8 and (apparently) is a poopy-face.

Nick-Young holy fool

2) Evan Turner reminds us why we should trust him under no circumstances. After lulling us into a false sense of security over the last month, he wildly careens through the weekend shooting 6 of 20 with 9 turnovers.

Evan Turner sad

3) Defending the point: Russell Westbrook and Tony Parker go absolutely bananas scoring 47 points in just 61 combined minutes

4) 12th level Half-elf sorcerer, Tim Duncan goes off for 16/8 and four blocks in just 26 minutes of work… and yes, that is a tattoo of a wizard over his heart…

tim duncan wizard tattoo tim duncan wizard

and here he is after conjuring some form of albino sea creature to perform his bidding…

Tim duncan dolphi

Video low lights:

1) Durant posterizes Spencer Hawes… look, it’s happened to better men than Spencer Hawes. But Hawes posterizes himself by getting over in time, deciding not to give a hard foul, and just giving a cheesy bitch slap while Durant explodes all over his face…

Durant celebrates

Let me show you what USED to happen when you tried to posterize the Sixers…

2) Manu Ginobili goes 5 hole on Thaddeus Young. Is this a new fad? I swear this happened about a half dozen times to the Sixers this season

3) Kevin Durant administering a switch beating to a helpless Jason Richardson

I love that Collins seems to think that Richardson is a defensive stopper. I bet the conversation went something like this “J-Rich, so the plan is to leave you on an island with Durant, even though you aren’t tall enough, fast enough, or strong enough to pose any resistance whatsoever. But don’t worry, you got Big Spence right behind you! Go get’em Tiger!”

Doug Collins

fort apache fonda

The LOST SEASON continues, Tuesday night vs. the Brooklyn Nets. The GrowthPlates gang will be in the house for this one, so expect plenty of coverage of T-shirt cannons, Sixers dancers, and the halftime show.

GROWTHPLATES!

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