Game #17: Freakin’ Meeker Comes home…

Sixers outmuscled in a 93-88 LOSS to the Chicago Bulls in a crash bang, no fouls, Battle Royale.

battle_royale_16

“GUYS, DON’T EMBARRASSE ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS! I’M SERIOUS!” Coach Collins coaxed a solid defensive effort out of his team for the first time in a month. Facing off against his freinemy and reigning Chairman of the Maniacal Defensive Coaches sub-committee, Tom Thibodeau.

Here’s Thib’s leading his patented “Wave Your Hands & Scream” defensive drill. I shit you not, this is an actual drill

Look, if you don’t drill screaming crazy at your opponent, practice it and practice it, how are you going to remember to do it during the game?

The Bulls aren’t great, but this was going to be a tough game. Sixers having played the night before in Charlotte, the Bulls having revenge on thier minds after last years playoffs,  and a classic trying-to-hard homecoming for Evan Turner.

Add in the Bulls size advantage, and the clear edge in the scream therapy department, this would have been a great victory.

Let’s remember what happened the last time these two teams played…

Alas, no such dramatics last night, and the Sixers notch a loss to start a tough December slate.

THE GOOD:

1) A dead legged Class-1 Brown Dwarf Star, Jrue Holiday rallies in the 2nd half to keep it close. Goes for 23pts and 7 asts on 9 of 17 shooting. Folks, he’s really good. Advanced stats love him, rating him in the top 5 among NBA point guards. He’s earned his dwarf star status, and if he keeps this up, I’m smelling Red Dwarf...

red dwarf

2) Thaddues Young, the Burning Spear, gets a righteous 40 minutes of burn and is all over the court. Goes bananas for 22 pts, 7 rebs, 4stls, and 4blks(!).

Here he is outrunning the entire Bulls team to get an an Oop on a 2 on 4 fast break…

3) The Bulls offensive execution. They don’t have much talent, they can’t match the Sixers shooters, and they lack a single playmaker as gifted as Holiday, yet their offense looked worlds better than ours. movement and rugged screening got them looks. J-Rich frequently lost Rip Hamilton in a forest of screens, and the Sixers soft bigs were exposed by about 100 backdoor cuts.

THE BAD:

evan turner boston

1) A return to his hometown was exactly what Evan Turner didnt need. 4 good games and dripping with triumphalism, he returns home to prove all his imaginary haters wrong. The anvil on Turner’s shoulder compels him to go 6 for 17 from the field, ZERO free throws attempted, and a backbreaking fastbreak turnover in the 4th.

Also got repeatedly punked by Deng on offball cuts, and contributed his usual highly theoretical, ethereal, help defense.

2) Sixers Offense “If Holiday can’t get going, this team is going to have a hard time scoring!” Chicago Play by Play man, Niel Funk. DING! DING! DING! I guess Chicago realized that if someone simply stands in front of Jason Richardson at all times, he’s not going to score.

Chicago defense

Chicago crowded the shooters, trusted their shotblockers, and left the Sixers bigs open to brick jumpers. Which leads us to…

3) Spencer Hawes is scared to shoot.

This sequence in the 2nd quarter; Spencer with a W I D E  O P E N corner three. “No Thank You. I’d rather just turn it over driving for a worse shot”. 1 minute later, Holiday gets a steal and passes to Hawes 15 feet from the rim with no one in the zipcode.

Clearly doesn’t want to shoot, but alas is ungaurded, deliberates for 5 seconds before AIRBALLING the jumper. “He nearly killed his teammates with that one!” Thanks Neil Funk…. If Hawes doesn’t want to shoot, he can do that just as easily from the bench.

hawes backward cap

Backwards cap? really? Are we in Boston?

Boston Celtics douche

THE UGLY:

Alley Oop lob for Evan Turner. Or Rather Attempted Alley Oop. Have you ever seen Turner catch a lob? You still haven’t… He gets 2 inches of ground clearance and the pass sails out into the third row.

ornithopter

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