Game #15: A Kinder Gentler Kaman

Sixers hold on for a wierd 100-98 WIN against the Mavs.

It didn’t look like the Sixers were going to make it. Punished by the half decent, but comparatively Herculian Dallas frontcourt, the Sixers were hanging by a thread much of the game.

Norse Troll Lord, Chris Kaman, routinely punked Spencer Hawes and Lavoy Allen, stealing all thier lunch money en route to 20 easy looking points.

Chris Kaman, are you familiar with him? Truly a basketball player best captured in a photo essay and/or Skald-ic epic poem…


and here he is, photgraphed in a desolate lot, holding a dead cat…

But much like the Grendel of yore, not without his own anti-heroic vulnerabilities and complexities…

In any event, the big German was plundering the Mead Halls of Sixerdom, until an unlikely hero arose from the Sixers bench to protect Hall, Hearth, and Defensive Glass. That man (shockingly) was Kwame Brown…



1) Let’s start with Evan Turner, (known affectionately here at GrowthPlates as the Prince of Pout, Freekin’ Meeker, and Evan TURNOVER) perhaps enjoying the best stretch of basketball in his young career. after his 4th quarter benching against Toronto, Evan has posted lines of (pts/reb/ast) 12/10/7, 26/5/4, 16/9/3, 22/4/4.

The secret seems to be that Evan is now SHOCKING defenses across the league be being a competent catch and shoot weapon. He is finally punishing defenses for routinely playing 10 feet off him and daring him to shoot…

Here’s a great mix of Evan being ignored by Phoenix, courtesy of Rich Hoffman at

Contrary to the constant complaint of the Turner faithful, the problem hasn’t been that Collins is making Turner “Stand in the corner” the problem is that Turner was standing in the corner and not making shots. if he hits 40% of his stand in the corner shots, it suddenly seems like a pretty good idea.

2) Thad Young. While his stat sheets have been muted, here is some advanced statistical evidence in support of the supposition that Thad has, in fact, been totally awesome…

On Court/ Off Court differential is a stat the measures how much better (or worse) a team performs on offense and defense when a player is on the court. Thaddues Young ranks second in the NBA (beyond only Kobe Bryant), with the Sixers a full 30 points better with him on the floor.

Thad LOVES advanced statistics, and advanced statistics LOVES Thad…

3) KWAME BROWN. What?! the cowardly lion showed the few basketball skills he possesses. Being big and relatively nimble. And he did that exactly when the Sixers needed it most. Shutting Kamen down in the 3rd and 4th and pulling down 8 boards, 1 steal and 1 block in 16 minutes. And shocking the arena with 2, lordly, Blue Moon putbacks in the 2nd half

4) Elton Brand. When has a huge bust like Elton Brand every been recieved so warmly in Philadelphia? In spite of arriving as damaged goods and hamstringing the franchise with a superstar contract, Brand won this town over through sheer grit and sturdiness. He squeezed every last ounce of basketball out of his old, creaky, undersized body. And frankly that’s all the fans here ask for (Eagles Players take note…). here he is being recieved by Collins before tipoff…


Sixers Bench: Wright, Swaggy, and Maalik Wayns combine for a 4 for 18 performance. The irrepressable Wayns finding himself 8 more shots in 13 minutes. For those keeping track, over the last two games the plucky young gaurd has taken an Iverson-esque 15 shots in 20 minutes. good for 10 points last night.

What the hell, let’s show this picture again…


Tough to do in game featuring Kaman, but Spencer Hawes, tonight’s your night. He did hit this crazy jumper, aided by a lock of Swaggy P’s hair that he now wears in an amulet around his neck…

But here is the insideous problem with Spencer Hawes.  Here is a montage of alleged  “screen” plays featuring Hawes (once again courtesy of the folks at This shows why the pick and pop offense grinds to a halt with Spencer on the floor. There is no pick.

The Sixers are currently in talks with Coachella about the availability of Tupac’s hologram to run pick and roll with Holiday.


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