Icarian Flight and the Great Escape of the 76ers

Finally word from the Wolfsschanze,regarding the state of Andrew Bynum’s deliciously lubricated knees. For the 3rd time in as many months, we are being told that Big Bynum will need one more month, then he can start the process of thinking about maybe, considering doing, basketball type things, maybe.


Let my start by tipping my hat to the Sixers for the impeccable, iron clad, message discipline which Collins has instilled through this organization. The tenacity with which this organization will protect meaningless secrets is as stirring as it is preposterous. A mailroom intern would take torture on a judas chair before revealing what Doug Collins ate for breakfast.

Aided by a lukewarm start, and some clever Collins press conference misdirections (a pile of novelty dog poo dressed as Inquirer beat writer John Mitchell, being most notable), the team avoided all mention of the Star the gutted their roster to acquire, for the better part of the month. That’s impressive.

I don’t want to seem ungrateful, it’s definitely been cool to have a guy around who looks like a 7-foot extra from the live action Fat Albert Gang. That’s just good clean, fun.

But at some point it would nice to see him on a basketball court. There is a real possibility that the Bynum trade will be one of the gut-punch events in Sixers history that is told to our children’s children, like the whispered invocations of the ghost of Jeff Ruland.

With all that being said, let me tell you why this was still the right decision:

The gravitational pull of the economics and draft system of the NBA are such that once a team is captured within the orbit of mediocrity there are no easy escapes. Freedom is only achieved through most daring and unlikely of flights and the risks of flaming wreckage.

And like all great explorers yearning for unattainable reaches, the Sixers have chosen the speculative vessel upon which the will challenge the basketball firmament.

BEHOLD! The Andrew Bynum Aerodrome!

Will we crash? Will the scorched and broken body of this organization plummet to the depths of draft lottery irrelevance? It very well may. But we’ve made our play, and there’s nothing left to do but ride it to the finish.



3 thoughts on “Icarian Flight and the Great Escape of the 76ers

  1. This just all seems like a tease. I don’t know anything about b-ball, but maybe we should just forget about him for now and do whatever we need to do to shoot better than 29%!!!

    On another note, I was looking to buy some decent tickets for us but did not end up buying them as the 6ers are still charging ridiculous prices for unworthy entertainment. Is it sad that the amount up to what I would pay is measured by the visiting team?

    • All upper deck seats are 17 dollars for november. so first row of the upper deck midcourt is pretty good deal if you ask me. They will play better, there is no way for them to play worse.

  2. Pingback: Game #41: A Mid-Season Night’s Dream | growthplates

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