Game #6: The Mangler Cometh

(A GrowthPlates welcome to our newest contributor, “TheMangler”. TheMangler is a lifelong 76ers fan, contributing fellow at the Cato Institute, and the 2nd tallest Cambodian in the world)

There’s not much that we can take away from this game that hasn’t already been said about this Bynum-less Bunch. Streaky shooting, inconsistent D, but they managed just the right combination of doing a lot of things mediocre enough at the same time to get a win. 

Like Tuesday’s election night debacle, the Sixers bench started knocking down jump shot after shot like it was electorates from a swing state. And by the end of the night the Sixers shot 48% from the field to Toronto’s 38% – an array that left the Raptor dizzied and confused as to what just happened. A near wire-to-wire clinic on what it takes to beat irrelevant teams. Clearly, the Raptors did not have an understanding of the demography of the Sixer bench. Shooters, shooters, shooters…  and on some nights (such as tonight) makers too.

Nick Young and Dorrell Wright just overpowered the defender that wasn’t guarding them most of the night to the tune of a combined 12 for 24 with five 3-pointers and 31 points. Eat it Lou Williams. 4-2, I’ll take it.

Let’s talk Basketball:

  • “Leinas Kleiza signs, Demar Derozan signs. It’s a package deal.“ – Negotiating sessions between Master P and the Raptors’ Front Office during DeRozan’s extension talks.

  • The Toronto Raptors graced us with those excellent camouflage uniforms in honor of Veteran’s Day. USA! USA! USA! 
  • Every time I see a turnover when wearing those uniforms it makes me wonder. Some basketball pundits may attribute this to sloppy play, or a team still searching for cohesion after 3 coaches in 5 years. But no, I’m fairly certain it’s the inability to see teammates as a result of those camos. It sometimes works to their advantage too…

What’s so interesting about a picture of an empty locker room stall??

Air Canada Center 3D Baseline illusion… Awesome concept. It fucked me up for about 4 minutes until I decided to Google it… So let’s role play. I’m the Toronto idea man. I just came up with this sick idea of having an artist paint a 3D visual illusion on the court. This is gonna be revolutionary. But what should it be? Perhaps a crazy basketball eating Raptor in the vein of the Kelly Green football-as-prey capturing Philadelphia Eagle? Maybe a fist… a Raptor fist fucking up the viewing audiences’ collective heads with how awesome this Raptor fist looks on the court. Fuck yeah! Or, maybe, we’ll pretend like we’re in a resume writing workshop and in front of us is a scented marker and name card. (It’s ok we’ll only need these namecards the first day or two, because by the end of the week we all really get to know each other.) And the winner is…

  • Even Doug Collins refers to Nick Young as “Swaggy.” Good times…
  • 47% of Evan Turner is going to play to his limited level of basketball talent. He is going to get rejected by the likes of 6’2 Andre Miller and Jose Calderon (who blocked 3 shots the entire 2011/12 Season). He is going to awkwardly fumble his way close to the basket and throw up a 3 foot prayer that quickly falls short of both the basket and the expectations of being a number 2 overall pick. But that’s not Doug Collins’ concern. Doug Collins’ job is to take the 6% of Evan Turner who is undecided between making a sound basketball plays that allows you to go unnoticed in the league for 10 years OR of doing what Evan Turner does which is attempt things on the court that he can’t physically do.Look, I understand being built like one position but playing another. I’m a 5’10” Cambodian Guy with a sick low post game because at 5’10”, that makes me the 2nd tallest Cambodian alive (look it up.) But I think this ET two-guard experiment is getting out of hand. All that said, tonight was a good night. As usual, he rebounds with annoying ferocity akin to the fat sweaty white guy shooting by himself at the playground that you’re forced to pickup because you only have 7 guys and REALLY want to run 4-on-4 full. And he only made two or three horrible basketball decisions tonight. Final stat line: 37 minutes, 8 points on 2 of 7 shooting and 12 boards.  Keep on Keepin’, ET!

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